Protect Yourself!!!

Advice on Security

Yeah, i know, i know... you’ve heard all this shit before. You know what I’m going to say, I’m going to drone on and on about how you shouldn’t tell anybody and then everything will be hunky-dory. Wrong... well partly right, not telling anybody is the best thing to do. But! How many of us actually do that?

Growing bud without ‘sharing’ with your friends to help raise funds for that super new light you’ve seen on ebay is a very rare occurrence. This is where it starts, one friend has your smoke and shares it with another friend. Pretty soon a whole heap of your friends know what you’re doing and probably more besides.

So let’s assume not telling anybody is an impossible piece of advice for you to follow. What do you do? Safest thing would be to stop growing, but you can’t. You’re hooked. You need your weed and there’s no fucking way you’re going to buy shit off the street.

So now you’re in, you’ve rolled the dice and a small part of you already realises you’re probably on your way to getting caught anyway... so fuck it, why bother worrying at all, right? After all, worry leads to stress which leads to you losing your hair and you also have more chance of contracting a terminal illness. Life’s over either way.

But stop!

Your life doesn’t have to be over; a smart grower will look for somewhere else to grow. An even smarter grower would use his friends houses as grow spots. Once your friends are in on it too at least you won’t go down alone.

OK, so you’ve dealt with all the stress of getting caught by the police by simply ignoring it... not like you can do anything about it aside from maybe die a foolhardy death trying to protect your crop. Even when you’re dead they’re still going to chop it down, but at least you won’t have the pain of seeing them do it. So I suppose there is a plus side. Another thing you need to protect yourself from are criminals.

Lots of growers get caught every year due to gangs of thieves breaking into grow op’s. These guys don’t care about you getting caught they just want to steal your crop to raise money for crack. Ok, maybe some of them are meth heads or smack heads but you get the point. Scumbags, just like the menacing looking dude in the mug shot over on the right, will break into your home to steal your buds. One grower from the UK was tied up alongside his family (kids included) while a gang of youths stole his crop. After the thieves had left and the grower and his family realised they couldn’t get out of the ties, the girlfriend phoned the police. The police never found the robbers, but they got an easy cultivation conviction out of the victim. So if you do get robbed, DON’T call the fucking police.

The best deterrent against criminals are dogs. Now you can go out and buy a miniature dog if you like, but the truth is, aside from yapping annoyingly, a little doggy like that isn’t going to do much damage. You need a dog capable of taking down a man. If the dog scares you when you first see it then this is the dog for you. 90lbs should be minimum, preferably muscle. This will even deter thieves that carry a gun.

The best type of breed to go for, of course, is the werewolf. Make sure to keep the fucker chained up good though and keep him somewhere the kids can’t reach him like a high shelf in the kitchen. In fact if you got kids it’s probably best to go for a different breed. If you’re already a werewolf then you don’t need a dog. In fact, why are you even reading this? It’d make your day if a gang of criminals broke into your home. I mean it’s not like we’re not in a recession and people can afford to buy silver bullets. Yeah, you guys have got it easy.

Once word gets around about your dog it would take a serious set of criminals to have the balls to rob you, and if you’re growing on a scale that will invite serious criminals then it’d be best to invest in some armed guards.

So, there you have it. The SkunkHouse guide to security, use it wisely... or pay the price.

Comments (3)

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lord supreme
written by captain chronizzle, February 12, 2010

spoken truly by someone, that has once has security issues. that shit cracked me up!!!!

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written by captain chronizzle, February 12, 2010

shit, my grammer was horrible up there. '
' ' '
second has, was supposed ' ' '
to be a had. '
'
.

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written by Eddie, April 04, 2010

Were you describing me?

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